Oh Crap! Potty Training

Let me state this simply, when is almost more important than how. Unequivocally, potty training is easiest when done between the ages of 20 and 30 months. It certainly can be done earlier or later, with caveats. For instance, most children younger than 20 months won't connect the dots as quickly as older children, which means you'll need to be more responsible for acting on their cues, as opposed to expecting them to act on their own, than you would be if they were older. However, before 20 months is unbelievably easier than after 30 months. Kids over 30 months are that much more sophisticated and skilled at manipulation. They know the power of choice and free will. My mom likes to say, you want to do it before they know they have a choice in the matter. Anyone with a three-year-old can tell you they are very adept at exerting their will. Your power struggles will be huge, and guess what? You won't win. Smack dab in the middle of that 20 to 30 monthage range is best for most people. Right around 24 months is ideal. At this age, your child is eager to please, is connecting a lot of the dots in the big world around him, is still malleable, and is dying for more responsibility. Think about it. Kids at this age love helping and feeling important. They want to help cook and clean and do chores around the house. It's the perfect time to hand them their very own responsibility. You want to take advantage of this eager-to-please phase. It's natural, and it's good, and unfortunately, it will go away. Trust me. Mind you, there are always going to be exceptions. More recently, I've seen an increase in moms who know their kids are very capable of potty training before 20 months. And of course, there are plenty of children who potty train just fine in the 30 to 36 month age range. Still, in my experience, this age range is when things start getting tricky. And in case you didn't get my memo, waiting until after three is going to bring you struggles. We'll deal with the specific issues associated with younger and older kids in the later chapters. Why this time frame? 1. There are certain windows of opportunity in development, during which a developmental task can be accomplished with the least amount of conscious effort on the part of the child. There are many such windows of opportunity during childhood. For example, weaning. Many kids wean at 12 months, because it's usually very easy to do at that particular age. 4 months, 12 months, 24 months, and 30 months are documented windows of opportunity for easy weaning. Can it be done at other times? Sure. It just requires a little more effort on the part of both mother and child. Similarly, there's a window of opportunity for learning a language. Researchers and parents alike know how effortlessly a child picks up a second language before the age of 5. The same is true for learning a first language. I once worked with a child who had been secluded in a studio apartment for all of her five years of life with her drug-addicted mother. Because of her limited social exposure, she missed the window of opportunity to learn her first language, English. To this day, she requires major speech therapy and struggles in school. If you want to potty train with the least amount of effort, the window of opportunity is between 20 and 30 months. It's just easier. That's all. This period of time is also a developmental window during which there appears to be almost a lull in learning new skills. Your child has probably learned the basics, like eating, walking, and working through separation anxiety. During this period, he is really just honing his skills. Nothing too momentous is being worked out developmentally during this time. Note that windows are relative to one another, though, so if your child has had delays and other big milestones, he will naturally be a bit delayed in potty training. 2. Teaching a child to use the potty imparts her with dignity and self-respect. At this age, your child is learning at the speed of light. You're probably amazed and amused by what she is now capable of. Capable of. Do not underestimate what your child is capable of. I see tons of parents gleefully showing off their child's genius, while that same kid is sitting in her...