Cut and Run

Hey, Mel, Melinda, Melinda Tisdale, which is your name right now, stop saying the words you're saying near a witness. Who, him? Catties don't listen to stupid gringo tourists. He's right here, though. Sir? He's on the phone. Sir? Excuse me, sir? He's on the phone. Yeah, okay, you win. You were saying, loudly? I was saying, I know I'm punishing assholes because of my own personal history bullshit, but I'd like to think that I'm fixing them, too. You know what? You should leave the next guy alone. Maybe I will. Don't sign it, though. Oh, I know. I'll leave it where his kidney was. I should totally do that. Hey, you know what you should do? Yes, I do. No, seriously, I have a great idea for what you should do. Propose to Katie. You should propose to Katie, get that ring we saw in Taipei, and use it to propose to Katie and show these guys how to not be an asshole. Here's the problem with plan Taipei ring proposal. I know. I already know. I am a liar. I'm lying to Katie about a great, big, important chunk of my life where I steal kidneys for a living. How is that not being an asshole? Because you have noble reasons. And good hair. Great hair, actually. Oh, here's a hotel. I would propose to Katie if I had that ring. And a Katie. You'll find a Katie. Not tonight, I won't. But tonight, she kind of did. Buy you a drink? Not him. This is Ryan Bard. He's barely old enough to be in this cantina, and barely handsome enough to talk to Samantha. Samantha does a quick check. No wedding ring on Ryan Bard. Nope, not her type. Which makes this Ryan Bard's lucky night. No, I think you were just leaving. I was not. I just got here. To buy you a drink. You have a nice smile. Thank you. Take it with you when you go. Excuse me? Okay, here we go. That's Jeff Calvert. He's old enough. He's pretty enough. He's really handsome. More handsome than Captain America, but not as handsome as Chris Evans. Jeff has a wedding ring on, which is too bad for him. Is this guy bothering you? He was just leaving. I was not. He doesn't take a hint. Do me a favor? Sure. Pretend we're together. Hey. Maybe that'll send him on his way. But... I'll do it. Come on. But then you owe me one. Oh, yes, I will. Listen, man. Ryan. Don't care. This is my girlfriend or wife or whatever. She's my sister. If you won't take a hint, take a hike. Obviously, I'm going to. You, you're missing out. I am young and good at it. And you, guy, you're just a dick. Actually, you both are. Bye, dicks. I owe you one. So am I just leaving, too? Cashing in that favor already? Depends on your answer. Repeat the question? Am I just leaving, too? What am I? A mind reader? I wouldn't know. Because I'm not a mind reader. Me neither. We have so much in common. Bartender! Two more, please. The other one for your wife? I don't see her around here. Do you? I don't know what she looks like. Hey. Hey. You know how you owe me one? I do. I'm going to cash it in now. What can I do for you? I have a few things in mind. Not as many as I have, I bet. Still, you're hesitating. There's a hesitation. There's no hesitation. Oh, I know people. And I know when they hesitate. You don't know that many people, I bet. You seem the brooding loner type. What makes you say that? The rapid-fire repartee? The way I leaped to your rescue? Okay, I guess more the married hero type? A lesser-known trope hardly ever used except for Jane Austen and the Brontes. And, you know, all forbidden buttoned-up romance ever. Ah, the hesitation. Not a great sound. The ring is nothing. Seriously. Forget you ever saw it. All right. Just remember that I gave you an out. I don't want out. Good. Neither do I. Melinda Tisdale. Jeff Calvert. So, what's your story, Jeff Calvert? I'm a super spy. You? Criminal mastermind. How's that going? Hell on the social life. Same here. Let's talk about something better. Let's absolutely do that. Well, each of them is enjoying the other too much to say a word. Five floors up, Abe watches all this from the window of his hotel room. Ah, this part. Katie, my dear. It's nearly 6 p.m. in San Diego. What time is it there? Here in Plainsville? Where I am. Abe loves Katie and hates lying to her about where he is and what he's doing there. Yes, Plainsville. What are you? Central? Mountain? Two hours ahead? Three? I'm bad at time zones. I think I'm 46 minutes behind you there, actually. That's weird. Just one of the many strange aspects of Plainsville. What's it look like? Describe the view from the conference center window as precisely as you can. What do you think it looks like? In Plainsville? Which, yeah, is where I am. Which, yeah, is where I am.